Smokey

hahah i smell like smoke.. and i have already been asked whether i have been smoking, but i havent its just because we had some washing on the line and then the guy down the back from us had a burn off and all of the ash and smoke come over our house because the wind was going our way.. so yeah all of my school uniform smells like smoke so thats incredibly appealing...i think im going to wear my sports shirt for the rest of the day because this one smells too much...
hmm so what can i write about... im kinda stressed at the moment because im behind in some work and i have a SAC today for english and i have NO idea what im suppose to be doing... well actually thats not true i know its on Lantana and i KNOW that im suppose to have done a quote sheet for it but i havent so yeah... whoops... ill just do it at recess maybe before the sac maybe...

umm so yeah im in IT and i have a few people emailing me which is always entertaining... and fun and gives me something to do...hahah its funny on my left hand my hand, thumb and first three fingers are warm but my pinky is frozen hahah its just a weird feeling..
i won an award for poetry from the UK so that was pretty cool umm yeah it was from the poem that got published last year in a book in the US... so thats pretty insane but good...
surgery is become more and more unavoidable for my wrist, if i try and move it without a brace it hurts like hell so yeah, and i dont think that if i have surgery that ill be able to play softball which really does suck coz it was kinda my dream but yeah
well now im going to go
haha have a good day people :)

Primo Levi

Happy Elizabeth? hahah been asking me for an update well here i go!
Iv been thinking alot the last 2 days and i think its time i face reality and close down CJ-ism the site, the religion will continue on but i mean you guys know what its about and what you're suppose to do! i mean its pretty simple come on! all you have to do is be nice to everyone and try to not bitch about them, and when i say bitch i mean senseless bitching like "omg did you see what she was wearing" because thats just shitty, but if your going to bitch about someone make sure its for a legitimate reason like "she used to be my friend, but then she decided to tell everyone my secret shes a bitch!" something like that!

hahah well yes my week has been rather interesting and very rollercoasterish and to my horror i woke up yesterday and couldnt remember anything from monday 3pm to saturday 11am so yes that was incredibly weird and scary because i mean sure forget and hour of time but i forgot 4 days! luckily for me i have a big mouth and i had told ppl what i had done in the week so thy reminded me and for the rest of last night i was able to piece together little bits and figure out what i had infact done...so yeah thanks to those people (Sez, Andre, and little CJ)

Anyway the title of this post is Primo Levi because it is the name of the book we are studying in english and its an autobiography about Primo and his experience in the Concentration Camp Auschwitz, it amazes me that the details of the book are so methodical and cold, but i guess some people to survive and relive something have to be cold and talk about it as if it were a science report. However the reason im talking about this book is not that of trying to sell it to you guys are get you to read it or whatever but its leading on to my next thing, on last monday we (3 year 12 english classes) were given a talk by 2 holocaust victims and they told us all about their experences in the camps and working and how they were captured, they showed us their tattoos their numbers, it was really sad to hear about all of that devistation and destruction and the fact that the ppl just seemed to let it go on. This is one of the reasons why i want to be in the defence force i dont want this to occur again! the lady Danka kept telling us about how lovely australians are and how we should protect our democracy and our society because the way that it is right now is how it should be and there will never be a genocide if we stay the way we are!
After the talk i went and spoke to the two Danka (the lady) and Telek (the man) they were so nice and you could see that just talking about it had such an emotionally devistating effect on them, i went and spoke to Danka mainly and i shook her had and she just burst into tears i just stood there holding her, that was a true gentle giant moment because she only came up to my underarms, but i did what comforting i could (although i got a quote from Euripides women of troy in my mind) and she just told me that australians have the greatest nature because we look out for our mates but we are also willing to help a stranger and she just smiled at me through the tears, i had never felt so totally shattered and completely empowered at the same time.. its was a weird feeling...

hmm just thought i would share that with you, i dont know why you probably dont care but it was something that touched me so i thought you might appreciate it...

part 2

oh the last post was suppose to be longer but i think my mum walked in or dad did or something like that... dont know to be honest i forget things easily.

Ok so when i was on my 24hour Solo we were given this booklet and its got quotes and stories (really short ones) and stuff like that just so we had Something to do while we were out there! anyway i dont know why but the one that jumped out at me the most while i was there in total silence in the bush all alone...yeah its a doctor seuss thing... you may laugh but it was really powerful for me! so NEYA!

All Alone! Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something you'll be quite a lot.
And when your alone, there's a good chance
You'll meet things that scare you right our of your pants.
there are some, doen the road between hither and yon,
That can scare you so much you won't want to go on.
But on you will go though the weather be foul.
O you will go though your enemies prowl.
on you will go though the Hakken-Kraks howl
onward up many a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore and your sneakers my leak.
on and on you will hike.
and i know you'll hike far
And face up to your promblems whatever they are.

-Dr Seuss-

so yeah i thought that it was a pretty cool thing and its true about life.. no matter what happens and no matter how difficult your life is a lonely thing and you have to just keep going! and yes i do realise that sometimes its not that easy but thats the point you have to struggle on...

heres a poem which i think describes me at the moment...

Hold fast to dreams
For if dreams die
Life is a broken winged bird
That cannot Fly

Hold fast to dreams
for when dreams go
Life is a barren field
frozen with snow

- Langston Hughes -