Own World

For the past week as u mightv guessed by my posts i have been in a world of my own...its a place where i can think about nething in the world and not feel judged i have indepth debates in my mind over the most insignificant things...
but of late i have been debating my loyalty and how ignorant someppl r! as u can tell once i join the world of reason i get frustrated becoz i realise how much of a better world my personal one is!

so i apologise to those who have tried to console or consort with me since i have been travelling across a very warped universe...im just very confussed at the moment...i dunno...im goin back to the land of my own...
(B.O.S.O)
im sorry...maybe u shouldnt talk to me unless u need help or somethin...i dunno i just dont want to hurt ne1...

Im ready

Im worn out...im tired...im sick...i dont mean this in the physical sense but more as in the mental sense...on the outside i smile and laugh with those around me and and wish with a bitter jealousy that i were them...im so tired of fightin the some battles in my head day after day...im sick of everyday being exactly like the last...i can no longer do well at social things im more reserved and betray my personality...

im ready for the next stage in my life...i dont know wat it is yet but i know that im ready for it all the same! i hope with all thats left of my bleeding heart that all of u r safe and never reach such a point of complete loneliness in ur life...but for those who mightv already or will in the future i feel for u with overwhelming pity regret for not helping u b4 it got to this stage!

as u can tell im not havin a great week...
i dunno...i just need to be alone....i dont know how long...but i know that its alot longer then i deserve! i made a promise with myself that i would help u (my friends) with wateva the problem no matter how big or how small...im sorry i have failed forgive me!

Silence

well as most/all of u know im a moody little person and the past few days hasnt been any different as im assured some of u would know having to put up with either my bad mouthing or my complete and utterly blatent disrespect for ur opinions...so im sorry but there is a reason behind it but i wont bore u with such details but yeah i didnt know wat to write but recently iv been asked if im insane becoz iv been really indecisive in my moods....
does ne1 else get like this? or is it just the psychopathic woman typing?
i dunno i know that this is a crap post but for some reason i dont want to stop typing i dunno i think Chris will understand wat i mean wen i say that its kinda theraputic... but yeah im just so tired of the only conversations being the ones in my head...and im sick of the bitterness and cruelness of others...they dont know wat life is like but they like to act like they do i just wish that reality would strike them down like a hammer hitting a nail....argh...
i just wish everyone i love could be happy and enjoy life!
i want to help the ppl that i care for but im so sick and tired of ppl being arogant little brats who have the world and if they only opened their eyes they would be blinded by it! (this statement is not in relation to neone who comments on this blog)
y is it that ppl that dont have issues think that their little discrepentcies are the most important thing in the world whereas those that really do have problems just struggle on with their ever burdening life but never admitt defeat untill they r truely beat?

i dont get it...

Coffee

Im at skool yet again thinking about the worlds poblems and trying to find an easy solution for it all...not so easy...but yeah...
i blame all of this relentless mental tossing and turning on a lack of coffee! but yes as always im in IT and i thought why dont i do my usual thing and write on my blog...but i dont really know wat to write about becoz everythng seems to be so... boring like no joke seriously boring i mean im back into my old skool routine and all of that and its hell tiring! im spose to be writing this thing that hayze (hey - zee)((phonetics for u))(((or wat ever its called))) so yeah im spose to be typing this thing but becoz im a reasonably quick typer and all i can catch up really easily! so yeah! but mmm wat to write wat to write...
hes talking about the internet processing data...gah...not doin it brain slowly shuting down! oh OMG they r making it so that u cant go to Kennedy (medical center at skool) during classes only during certain times its total poppycock...so annoyed about that! but i mean of course there r circumstances in which this can change! hahaha
like me im always a special circumstance but thats becoz i have a sticker on my file that says FRAGILE- well not really but there is a note im my diary that says im allowed to go there and relax weneva! mainly as a anger thingy! but yeah i think its pretty good!
i have double Philosophy today... no... i just hope Mitch is in a better mood today yesterday he was in a slightly peeved mood so he made us work...not good and he made me answer a question which never ever happens i mean its me who makes me do nething!
oh well i had best go and catch up with the rest of the class....
ps i was venting...

Party Mixx

Okay so im sitting here on my computer at 10:16pm after my first day back at skool this term and im already ready to have another holiday!
i have been asked by so many ppl today have u got braces? and i just kept saying no i mean wat kinda stupid question is that seriously i mean OMG wat the hell! but neways this was really about A) how damn good this CD is i mean wow its the best all of my favourites so thanks Elizabeth its great i love it!
and B) i wanted to say that i know now how my princaple feels about racism he ripped into the skool about the london bombing and about racism! he said that ggs doesnt have that much if ne its just that the community at ggs is very multicultural and how greatfull we should be and all that i thought that it was great! so that was good to hear i thought that it was funny seeing as i was sitting next to several different nationalities i thought that it was funny then i looked at anna and the 2 of us started laughing so hard but silently so we wouldnt get in trouble!
i realised after being in SA for the weekend i miss my dog so much wen im away from him i love rickster so much....kinda depressing but yeah it happens!
...skool 2moro...no...oh well...im gonna go now and break my leg so i dont have to go excuse me!

Term 3

well i havent written on this for ages mainly bcoz iv been in adelaide so yeah kinda totally pointless... neways im back at skool and its the last lesson for the day and its IT (thank god) i had sooo much fun in SA tho and i wanna thank u all for making it so enjoyable!
iv got a massive headache right now...and everyone keeps yelling at me OMG UV GOT BRACES and i just want to curl up on the floor in pain for my head...but actually it feels like my brains trying to curl up in my skull...ouch... neways im in the finals for a poetry comp its really awesome and surprising! but yeah its an international comp! yay

BLACK BOOKS

PPL...well mainly Elizabeth... there is a website that u can go to and do a quiz and it tells you which black books Character u r! its awesome i have attatched a like on the side its the BB Charater one! its really funny! aparrently im Manny! hahah try it and tell me who u r!

Birthdays

well i thought after my more aggressive post i would write about something warm and fluffy...(i will restrain making a ricky comment)...((damn))... anyways alot of ppl seem to be havin there bdays around now like it was my uncles yesterday its my mums today its my aunts next week...elizabeths rendez-vous this weekend in relation to such an affair!

but as most of u know im not a big bday person my self but u still get excited for others because they r getting another year older...next yr ill be excited coz ill be legal...yay... and Elizabeth is now sweet 16 lucky girl! and its a momentous occasion...

ok im rambling now i need more and more coffee...oh coffee... well i must stop typing now!

Home

well i thought that i should write a quick post on the recent attacks made on London! i personally am appalled i mean geez ppl y do we need to blow the crap out of eachother to get our point across...oh wait wats that...we dont...its called the power of speech i mean christ wat about all of those ppl who were immediately effected? and wat about those who have been effected in a secondary sense and wat about the rest of the damn world?? mm?? as u can tell im really angry about this and as most of u know i take my heritage seriously...

im just ashamed at those thugs who portray their thoughts through such brutal actions!
and i hope that everyone that u r related to and friends with r safe!

Scars

ok this song really does suit me as a theme song... mayb ull understand mayb not!

Artist: Papa Roach Album: Song: Scars

Lyrics:
I tear my heart open, I sow myself shut

My weakness is that I care too much

My scars remind me that the past is real

I tear my heart open just to feel

Drunk and I'm feeling down

And I just wanna be alone

I'm pissed cause you came around

Why don't you just go home

Cause you channel all your pain

And I can't help to fix myself

Your making me insane

All I can say is

(Chorus)
I tear my heart open, I sow myself shut

My weakness is that I care too much

My scars remind me that the past is real

I tear my heart open just to feel

I tried to help you once

A kiss will only vise

I saw you going down

But you never realized

That your drowning in the water

So I offered you my hand

Compassions in my nature

Tonight is our last dance

I tear my heart open, I sow myself shut

My weakness is that I care too much

My scars remind me that the past is real

I tear my heart open just to feel

I'm drunk and I'm feeling down

And I just wanna be alone

You shouldn't ever came around

Why don't you just go home?

Cause your drowning in the water

And I tried to grab your hand

And I left my heart open

But you didn't understand

But you didn't understand

You fix yourself

I can't help you fix yourself

But at least I can say I tried

I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life

I can't help you fix yourself

But at least I can say I tried

I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life

I tear my heart open, I sow myself shut

My weakness is that I care too much

My scars remind me that the past is real

I tear my heart open just to feel

exceptionally...

bored... im so bored im at home and 2day is technically my 3rd day of hols! yay although im into my 2nd week this is because i got 1 day of hols b4 i started work experience then i got another day on monday then i was busy being socially acceotable yesterday so needless to say im dead tired and in need of some decent sleep after having those seemingly endless 12hr skool days and no weekends...gah i need sleep but Ricky wont let me...fat lump of lard... sorry as u can tell i really love my dog to pieces...well normally i do accept for we he bites me... but yeah...so ppl that generally check this r ppl im goin to see in just over a week yay...

well this is pretty much just random typing there is no logic behind it! ok question for the lovely ppl that read this!! do u know ur weakness or is it something that u would have a clue about it? well i found my perfect theme song the other day and it explains me really really well! now i just have to figure out wat it was... well im goin to find the song then ill post the lyrics for ur opinions!

Pudge - A - Luf

well for all of u that dont know (which is prob every1 apart from elizabeth) i have a dog (if u can call him that) and i have several nicknames for him 1 of which is Pudge - A - Luf and this is just basically because hes fat and i like to have wierd names for my dog (so then mine sounds kinda normal!) but his real name is ricky! but yes i thought i would mention this to all of u because my little fluff ball is asleep on my lap write now and his head is resting on my arm! and its really hard to type coz hes got a really heavy head!

but neway the point of this post has been developed through conversations i have had with many a ppl and Sarah reminded me of it in my last post! do u think that ppl think of more meaningfull things in winter like more in depth thoughts? i think they do! u know because in summer ur preocuppied alot of the time with physical activity (of a sort) but in winter everything slows down except ur brain so that u have nothing else to think about except really intense ideas! not like if i put my hair on the side will i look like a dick or nethin like that no i mean like friendship, life, religion, the fish prices in china ( i think thats a me thing tho!)

well i dunno so im putting it to u do u think its possible? and if u think yes wat intense things have ppl been thinking about? or r u like me and think about deep and meaningfull things all the time?
well must be off little man has just woken up and he wants to go out!

Sorry!

well my blog lovers im sorry that i havent written a post in ages but i blame it on the work experience... well yes! im watching the princess diaries right now as if elizabeth ofcourse... well i think that ive had about 50 paper cuts and i know that i will neva eva want to go near a paper shreader not fun... and i will neva be able to get all of the coffee out of my system! and to all the SA ppl i cant wait till i come ova only 2 weeks now! sososososo excited! and elizabeth i concede u were right about Hostility and aggression yeah! so u win... so now im goin to go and have an iced coffee! oh btw i said that i would say something! ORANGES AND PINEAPPLES... happy now?