so...

The last few days i have been bored out of my brains and i cant sleep for some reason :P so i have been cleaning my room up a bit and finding things i had completley forgotten about like things iv written down, whether its because i have written them originally or liked them and written them down because they reminded me of something... and i also found the inspirational booklet they gave us on our 24 hour solo at Timbertop... i dont know why i saved it but i did... maybe it really did mean something to me who knows... i also have my journal still from timbertop shit was i an angry child up there :P sorry to all of the girls in my unit :S.... anyway because im boring and have nothing to talk about im just going to post up some stuff that i found maybe it'll mean something to you maybe you'll be able to understand what i was thinkin at the time i wrote it and maybe you'll just ignore it and think that im crazy :P
haha oh well ill write it down now and stop blabbing...

ok this first one i dont know if i wrote it but i think i did... but its got "flux's blog" written on the bottom of the page so if i stole it from you im sorry i just cant remember...
The days dragged on seemingly endless, one prayed for such atrocities to be expelled from our reality, but no these are just the facts of life, the continuem, if ever it were to stop an emphatic sigh would be released but then and ephermeral existance would begin.
chaos would slowly debilitate the relations and social reforms. woah the loss of dignity and pride the exsanguinated appeal that would terrorise our every moment.

but all of this repulsion and deformity will be restrained and regulated by that, so beautiful and eternal, this passion and belief acts like a tournequet to societies weak spots. this stoppage though alike all cannot stop everything from entering no matter how hard it is tightened, these slips could cause phernominal damage if they continued at a steady rate, but nay they are more like occasional spasms that cannot create any concern even if they group, the numbers and occurences are infamentestle it is impossible for it to happen....

lala so obviously i was high when i wrote that one because i dont even have a clue what im talking about so yeah :P

Spare

So hello ppl how did (for those who this apply to) the UMAT go? lalala im in teh computing labs with freya because she has to scan for the variety night tomorrow... my fingers are sore for some reason and its annoying me oh well... probably from netball...
so yeah im really boring at the moment and i have nothing interesting to say really oh well.. so yeah someone talk to me on msn or something so yea

Extract

Alright its a new day... and after a bit of thinking over my actions im sorry for being so weird and moody of late... i guess out of everyone im the one who needs to grow up the most... so yeah
sorry
Bye

Why hello there!
i have decided that friday and yesterday i was angry but they are in the past and i need to chill... i mean who cares about some stupid blog comment thing anyway it was just some stupid prank which wasnt funny to the slightest degree but you know some ppl are into that shit so good for them!
so yeah sorry everyone for taking everything so seriously
not like it matters anyway
yeah and if you dont like me well then guess what i dont care
so yeah whatever
im going to go "chill out"
some ppl will never understand the seriousness of some shit, and to those ppl grow up
later dudes

sick

so its saturday night only just after 8pm and i am already contemplating going to bed because there is no-one online talking to me and i have no where to go...and im sick... am i complaining and being a little bitch yes...why? because im grumpy, im sick and i feel like shooting myself in the fucking head...

well now that iv got that off my chest ill continue with what i was going to say...so i went shopping with the folks today and i brought 3 singles for $6 so yeah i was happy i got eskimo joe, Panic! at the disco, and Dani California...
yeah just some songs which interest me not my favourites but they were cheap so why not waste what little money i have left...
umm tomorrow i am going to be doing a whole weeks worth of work YAY arent i lucky... atleast im a quick worker i guess and 2 of my teachers have decided to piss off and not tell me what the fuck i have missed so thats brilliant im so glad to see that they care about their students...well guess what teachers FUCK YOU TOO!

No im not normally this agressive or shitty iv just had a really piss poor week, and for those of you that know me you'll know that its been bad and you'll know that im not normally so vulgar or angry...and for those of you who dont know me trust me this is not normal behaviour for me... so sorry if i seem to be a really angry bastard who deserves shit all because they are shit themselves but im not having a good week...

i guess i should go before i offend anyone because i can feel my blood starting to boil and the need to do something stupid...
who cares anyway

I have a Dream

well technically i HAD a dream and it was where i wrote a post already so thats why i didnt write a new one because i dreamt that i already had untill it came to today and i came to look and there was no new post...so here it is yay!

so yeah of late i havent been too well and i know taht you know it, I've kinda been on the edge just with so many things that i need to be doing or people im trying to help and i want to thank you all for what you have done for me, and after last night its made me appreciate that fact that my friends care for me so much i dont mean it in the way that i never appreciated you guys before because that bullshit i have always appreciated my friends! its just now i sorta realise that even though i have my stubborn dickheaded moments friends are all i have and i need you guys more that i ever have before... i dont want this to make you worry this is just to let you know that im ok, and i know a few of you are really worried but im ok, im not going to hurt myself i cant not after all of this shit its not worth it so im sorry that i have made some of you really really worry... but thank you for caring so much!

umm yeah so im home today i need a break yes, I, CJ, am taking today off for 'CJ time' its not worth pushing myself to an extreme anymore i have my friends, and im sorry its taken so long to realise it... but thank you for opening my eyes!

in the words of my mother

you bastards!
not you guys...but the school! i go back tomorrow! after having almost a month off! which is good but it means that its the end of the holidays!!!!!! i dont want to go back to school i hate school not the social fun side but the bitchy work side! why do i have to be in year 12~~~ why should 1 year matter sooooooo much! i hate it!

but on a brighter note... nope wait dont have one... oh yeah iv done my homework which helps.... umm hopefully itll be raining tomorrow which means no sport... although i kinda want to play sport but i also know how unfit i am after the month off....

Countdown

so there is exactly a week left of holidays... what a bummer but its been a good break... im really bored right now and im procrastinating from doing my shitloads of homework although i have done some i cant find it in me at the moment to open my books and actually do work... although i will probably do it this arvo seeing as there is no one online at all right now... and im waiting for an email which possibly wont come... so i think i will do my Legal homework....BAH!

anyway so mum and dad are away in bali and they seem to be enjoying it which is cool and now emmas up there with them! so yeah they should be having a great time getting massages and doing shopping and stuff like that... im not jealous though because i hate holidays away now i dont know why i just always seem to get sick and its stupid for me to go so yeah...

hey someones come online awesome but i dont know if they are willing to talk to me... hmmm oh well i guess i deserve it...so yes now onto the legal homework...grr...
and im going to play all of my music iv decided all 2.5 days worth of it! :P
later ppl

got it off of Speens

1. Choose a band/artist:
Unwritten Law

2. Answer ONLY using titles of their songs

3. Are you male or female:
MEAN GIRL

4. Describe yourself:
FALLING DOWN

5. How do some people feel about you:
HELLBORN

6. How do you feel about yourself:
SAVE ME

7. Describe your ex boyfriend / girlfriend:
SUPERMAN

8. Describe current boyfriend / girlfriend:
BLURRED

9. Describe where you want to be:
DARKSIDE

10. Describe how you live:
REJECTED

11. Describe how you love:
UP ALL NIGHT (:P)

12. What would you ask for if you had just one wish:
HOLIDAY

13. Share a few words of Wisdom:
STOP TO THINK

14. Now say goodbye:
GERONIMO

OK IM TIRED AND SLIGHTLY DELUSIONAL BUT MEH! AND THAT WAS KINDA FUN...
AND YES I DO REALISE IM WRITING IN CAPITALS

Baseball Playing Devil

so the last few weeks have been weird to say the least but i think i have finally lost the plot... for tonight i have found myself drawing angels and demons.. and then without realising drawing a baseball playing devil... i dont know whats happening to me i dont draw and not a devil playing baseball ever....

anyway so as of 7:30am i am parent free for a whole week... they have gone to bali and they are having a holiday emmas going to meet them there and then go on to Singapore... and i am staying at home and looking after the dogs! i could have gone but im not exactly in a take bali by storm mood and id rather stay in a nice dark room sleeping...
which is all iv done really for the last week... except for thursday when i went out with chantal which i did enjoy! i just dont like eric... and yes i should talk more! but we know me and my lovely social (none existant) skills! but yes talk more i shall try....

umm so yeah a 5am start tomorrow to get mum and dad to the airport... yay! and the trip for those of you lovely SA ppl isnt a short trip its about an hour... i think its about the same for you as well chantal isnt it? anyway so yeah long trip early in the morning so its a 2 hour round trip and im just dropping them off then heading home again! yay! - not - oh well atleast they will enjoy the break and all of that and not have to worry about anything...

umm ok im not feeling so well again so im going to go...
oh and on friday i got the mole removed and it looks like someones pressed a cigarrett against my head... it looks pretty bad and the machine was as powerful as a cattle prod and it hurt like hell...
alright anyway going to go
have a good week ppl